‘Give it some pain!’ by Pete Kelly

Nowadays the problem with the Maudes Trophy (which is awarded to manufacturers for outstanding feats of motorcycle reliability under the hawk-like observation of the Auto-Cycle Union) is that, unlike the bikes we once knew, virtually any modern road-burner can do 100mph for 24 hours, circulate the Isle of Man TT course for a week, cross continents in no time at all or effortlessly pick its way around the amazingly long coastline of mainland Britain.
This May marks 30 years since the only Maudes attempt in which I rode – when two BMW R75/5 motorcycles set out to run continuously over the full Isle of Man TT course for a whole week, day and night, in mostly damp and dismal conditions, from 3-10 May 1973.
As Maudes attempts go, it didn’t have quite the charisma of BSA’s victorious entry of Star twin team in the gruelling International Six Days’ Trial. Nevertheless there was something quite memorable about being dragged from your bed at 2am, donning your riding gear in double-quick time and being whisked to the grandstand to await the arrival of one of the flat twins – mostly bike ‘B’ in my case – and do another couple of laps in the fog, the dark and the pouring rain! During the daytime, each rider’s rota consisted of four successive laps.
While having a clear-out ‘under the stairs’ the other day, I came across my framed copy of the certificate which was eventually awarded to each participant by the ACU, giving a blow-by-blow account of the bid. What memories it evoked!
After the first two riders had been flagged off by Geoff Duke and the then Mayor of Douglas at 12 noon on 3 May, everything went smoothly until the early hours of ‘Black Monday,’ 7 May. Well, somebody had to drop it first, and although it could have been any one of us considering the conditions, that dubious honour went to poor Dai Davies, on bike ‘B’, who must have been tramping on a bit when the white-tanked R75/5 crashed heavily at Brandish corner, the fast left-hander on that glorious downhill stretch between Creg-ny-Baa and Hillberry. The entire front end was wiped out, Dai was whisked to hospital, and many of the team must have thought the attempt was over! I’d been due to take over one of the bikes that morning, but instead found myself looking down at the crashed bike, which had been dragged into a field, at the crack of dawn and wondering if anything could be done to salvage the attempt. Something made me try the starter button (there was no sign or smell of leaking petrol) and to my amazement the BMW fired up straight away and settled into a lovely even tick-over. After consulting with the ACU observers it didn’t take the team long to realise that, as the attempt was really about engine reliability, they could rebuild the front end from one of the ‘hack bikes’ back at the grandstand and get the bike back into the fray. Thanks to the sterling efforts of BMW mechanic Alberto and his team – I had no idea that Italians knew so many English swear words! – by that afternoon the gallant R75/5 was back in circulation.
The ACU certificate listed the repairs necessary as one new wing mirror; new front fork assembly complete with front wheel and mudguard; new handlebar complete with controls; new offside rocker box cover; new exhaust pipes; new offside silencer; new front lamp and switch assembly (the loss of the superb original quartz-halogen lighting didn’t half slow down our progress at night after that!); new trafficator assembly back and front; new rear lamp and new petrol tap nearside. Our delight at seeing the bike back on the road was short-lived, however, for at 13.13 that same day, on a very wet road, the front end of bike ‘A’ was also rubbished when it was involved in a collision with a lorry pulling across its path to turn right on the Quarter Bridge Road. Although I can’t remember which rider it was, the ACU certificate described the incident thus: “Under severe braking, a wet road combined with avoiding action, the motorcycle skidded, lay down on the road and collided with the offside front bumper of the lorry.”
By now the maintenance crew had ample experience of fitting new front fork assemblies (including mudguards and wheels!); new headlamps, switch assemblies and trafficators etc. and were dying (I don’t think!) to show that the 4hr 55min lost to bike ‘B’ could be improved upon. This time they did the job in 2hr 54min – but we were rapidly acquiring a fleet of hack bikes that could only do straight-line wheelies!
At the end of it all, what did we achieve? Bike ‘A’ did 216 laps plus a portion of the 217th, totalling 8,178.54 miles, at an average speed of just 48.68mph, and bike ‘B’ did 224 laps plus a portion of the 225th, totalling 8,480.39 miles at 50.47mph. Looking back it doesn’t seem much really, and a number of ‘what ifs’ have always remained in my mind. I’m certain that if the weather had been kinder, and neither of the bikes had crashed, the figures for each bike would have read more like 10,000 miles and 60mph. Back in 1973 the Island’s roads were relatively empty for long periods, but since then, there has been so much traffic growth that such an attempt could never be contemplated today.
The life and soul of the party was Tony Jefferies, who had us in stitches every day with his wry grin and dry Yorkshire humour. Little did we know that the racing crash which was to end his career was only just around the corner, or that the final trophy presentation would be delayed for many months, until he was well enough to attend.
I’ll never forget taking over from him one morning and asking how the bike was running. “Great, lad,” he said. “Just give it some pain!”
On another subject entirely – andI’m not sure what sparked it off – a well-respected motorcycling columnist wrote recently: “It isn’t macho to ride in winter.”
My observations are: had someone suggested that it was? and what does ‘macho’ (horrible word – bin it immediately; along with ‘biker’ and ‘street cred’) mean anyway? The dictionary describes ‘machismo’ as “the need to-prove one’s virility or courage by daring action.”
Ah, so that’s what I was doing when I set off for the Dragon Rally in February! Silly me – I thought it was just to give my bike a good run, try out my new tent and enjoy a great weekend in the easy-going company of around 1,200 other motorcyclists! Surely anyone who felt the need to prove anything would be into wheelies, stoppies and knee-sliders (and good luck to them – I wish I had their expertise!). But merely having a ride in bad weather, or spending a weekend with a rapidly-ageing Dragon population just for old times’ sake, (apologies to the many younger riders who were also there) I don’t think so.
As for ‘street cred’, anyone who needs it has an insecurity problem somewhere deep down, for in this life, whether your bike produces 50bhp or 150bhp, it’s the substance that counts, not the image.